tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970540797924319533.post2388831222329079414..comments2023-04-28T01:52:39.748-06:00Comments on Benny the Fencesitter: Am I more gay than you?Bennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01056781938442527848noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970540797924319533.post-64342088174171460292011-09-07T00:34:04.551-06:002011-09-07T00:34:04.551-06:00@Bravone - I'd like that. Can you email me wit...@Bravone - I'd like that. Can you email me with your phone number? Send it to bennyfencesitter@gmail.com.<br /><br />@Neal - Yeah, I've heard of the Kinsey scale. I'm probably more curious about a spiritual scale. Are gay guys who are able to date and marry women just more righteous than me? Did I agree to a stronger degree of difficulty? I'm amazed that any man who is as attracted to other men as much as I am can make things work with a woman. I read posts from gay LDS men who are married and they talk about how they can perform and that they have a very fulfilling sex life. Yes, it takes effort, but it's fulfilling. I just don't see that sex with a women would ever be fulfilling. I know there's a lot more to marriage than sex, but I don't think I could ever marry a woman if I wasn't strongly attracted to her physically as well as attracted in other ways. <br /><br />Thanks for your ideas on managing it all and finding balance. I'm pretty much there already, actively involved with my ward, serving in callings I enjoy, etc. I have a wide and varied circle of friends and try to keep busy and that definitely helps. I just wonder why that's not enough. Why don't I feel fulfilled enough with these things that I'm doing to keep busy? I've got the network in place and you're right, it definitely help. But it doesn't meet my core needs as far as what I want. I'll make that my next post. Thanks again for your ideas. I just wish it were enough to not make me want a committed romantic relationship with a man.<br /><br />@Morgan - Thanks for your comment. I agree with what you wrote and can see how comparing myself to others plays a part in how I manage this whole thing. That said, I can honestly say that I want a relationship with a man for many reasons other than because so and so has a relationship. Your challenge to reconcile with the Savior is welcome and I'm trying so hard to do that. The church says I'm going against His gospel by choosing to pursue a relationship with a man, but I want to be happy. Does He really want me to be this lonely for another 34 years? Maybe that's what He's asking and up until now, that's pretty much what I've accepted. The only problem is that I'm not a happy person by choosing to abstain from dating men. I'll continue to do as you've said and be as good a person as I can. That's always been important. I just think I could still be a really good person even if I had a boyfriend or a partner. Thanks again for your comment!Bennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01056781938442527848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970540797924319533.post-79084588510487399962011-09-01T15:50:42.614-06:002011-09-01T15:50:42.614-06:00Excellent post. I know you weren't going for ...Excellent post. I know you weren't going for the "I'm gayer than you are ..." theme, but it seems to be a topic for a lot of people, lately (especially in the Church). <br /><br />I agree that we are all in varying degrees of our gayness and those more in the middle find it easier to marry or even fake it with women. I think this is why it is still difficult within the Church to peg gay people in one large group. Shouldn't we all be like 'what's his name' who married a woman and had 2 kids? Shouldn't we all be like 'that guy' who never married, but is (mostly) celibate? <br /><br />Unfortunately, this thinking isn't limited to gay people. It applies to all aspects of personalities, trials, characteristics, sins, etc. Some people would have the smoker run out of attending meetings, while others want all sinners to come to church. The comparisons go on and on. <br /><br />Good for you. Be who you are. Try to understand your plan and God's plan for you. Reconcile with your Savior and be a good person. That is what can make us happy and fulfilled. <br /> - MMorganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00041927949530091614noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970540797924319533.post-91721422749693412762011-08-31T11:39:44.016-06:002011-08-31T11:39:44.016-06:00Benny,
Indeed there are degrees of "gayness&...Benny,<br /><br />Indeed there are degrees of "gayness". Have you ever heard of the Kinsey Scale? Its a general measure of sexual attraction from purely heterosexual at one end of the scale, through various degrees to bisexuality in the middle, to purely homosexual attraction at the other end. I'm personally near the "purely homosexual" end of the scale. After years of dating and faking attraction to women I finally got to the point where I called a stop to it all. No more dates. Kissing a woman is painful to me, and vaginas make me puke, quite honestly. There is nothing there for me.<br /><br />And I don't think righteousness has anything to do with your ability to become attracted to a woman. Its either there or its not. Some people who are more in the middle of the Kinsey scale may be able to buck up and get excited about someone of the opposite sex - even marry. But not me. And I don't think God expects that of me or anyone like me. My Stake Pres. told me all I needed to worry about was being faithful, and the Atonement would take care of the rest. There was no "requirement" for me to get married.<br /><br />As far as finding something meaningful while being "celibate". Well, for me it has been several things - the first is involvement with the Missionaries. I have found great joy in working with them and becoming friends with them, and in many ways spoling them. I feed them whenever I can and help them get to appointments,etc. etc. This is healthy male bonding going on. Another thing I do is I hug everyone. Male, female, young, old. Humans need to touch and be touched. Hugging is very therapeutic, and I'm very pro-active about it. The other thing that has helped me is being involved with kids. I have several friends with large families who know I'm gay and they have "adopted" me in a way. I'm included in family outings, birthdays, holidays, etc. The children adore me and I adore them. This is as close to being a father as I will get, and it is very fulfilling. I also work with the teenagers in my Ward and host dinners at my house for them where everyone can just hang out, watch movies, play games, etc. and just be themselves. Its great for the youth not to have parents around yet be in a safe environment (only Church standards in my house). There are several kids who have been reactivated and went on missions because of these little get-togethers, and that has been very fulfilling.<br /><br />Bottom line - you have to take charge and be pro-active to set up a support network that will help you feel connected and fulfilled. It won't happen by itself, you have to go after it. I would recommend including trusted priesthood leaders in the process. I have had excellent Bishops, which has been a real blessing. Hope this helps.Nealhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03943975175380497835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970540797924319533.post-39359459028453063472011-08-29T21:59:30.362-06:002011-08-29T21:59:30.362-06:00Benny,
I'd love to discuss with you. Give me a...Benny,<br />I'd love to discuss with you. Give me a call sometime.<br /><br />Thanks,<br />SteveBravonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02762204502534599107noreply@blogger.com