Friday, August 19, 2011

Elder's quorum social tonight

I dutifully attended the social that the Elder's quorum put on tonight.  It was open to families and there were many spouses and kids there.  I've formed some good friendships in the ward that I attend and can always find someone to sit by and have a conversation with. 

Starting up conversations and making friendships has always come pretty easily to me.  However, I couldn't help but feel like an outsider.  I think I was the only guy who showed up by himself.  As I was getting ready to leave, one of the couples I was talking to spoke up and said "Oh, do you have a hot date tonight?"  Can you imagine if I would've replied with "Well, I'm not attracted to girls, but do you know any hot guys you could set me up with?"

I dread going to these kinds of things because I feel like I have to play a character the whole time.  Sure, it's my personality or sense of humor that everyone has come to know and (in most cases) appreciate.  But as far as the details of my life, I feel like I have to make up things or avoid the topic to make it ok for everyone else.  I think they must look at me at 34 years old, I'm outgoing, make friends easily, I'm reasonably attractive, and they must think to themselves "why is he still single?"  Many have taken it upon themselves to try to set me up, as if I can't find my own dates.  If I were allowed to marry a guy let alone date a guy, I would have been married 10 years ago and would be the best, most loyal husband around.  But I am getting more and more tired of having to put on an act.

I can be myself and not feel like I have to change who I am in front of ward members, but I'm so sick of having to make things up when it comes to the many questions I'm asked about my personal life.  These kinds of experiences make me want to withdraw and stay away just so I can avoid having to make things up or give BS explanations. 

What if I really could reply with "know any cool guys you want to set me up with?"


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